I think more people worry than you think. [Dirk comes to mind. And of course, there's him and Pokey.] But there are a lot of people with cold hearts here and...
They're honestly not important. I care more about you and Pokey than I do all of them combined.
But it's... hard, I know it can be hard, to keep going in a world that doesn't care if you exist or not.
[He's been forgotten. He's been replaced. He's watched his own mother fawn over human children like he and Chara never existed.]
It's hard to find reasons to keep going sometimes.
[Mettaton smiles, but it looks so exhausted as he walks from the door to the gaudy couch in his home. Rather than sit though, he just runs a gloved hand over one of the couch's arms. He's faced away from Asriel when he speaks again.]
Pokey messaged me before you, telling me not to make a foolish decision in attacking Dito. That...that was also me, just so you know. Despite what Pokey says, I will probably still make the decision based in violence.
And you? I told you pretty words about how you ought to keep trying. When I...
[Asriel wants to be encouraging, he wants to tell Mettaton not to give up... but it doesn't mean anything, when Asriel told him that he wants to shatter his own gem and just. Stop fighting.
Mettaton needs someone to help push him forward, but Asriel's not the right person for the job, as much as he'd like to be. He's too broken. He never came back right. Every day he thinks he's a little closer to losing himself... a little closer to becoming Flowey again.]
... I think trying to hurt Dito is going to end up hurting you more instead of him.
[Monsters aren't meant for this kind of thing. He's seen it in the way Mettaton broke down over the mirrors, what he's said over the bulletin boards.]
Can I ask why you wanna fight him so much? Is it just the pictures he posted of someone's head?
[For a while, Mettaton debates with himself on whether he should tell Asriel. After all, a child's curiosity is difficult to suppress.
He'd find out somewhere else...wouldn't he? And even if no one else would tell him, then that doesn't color Mettaton's impression. He's just a bad person for saying it then.]
It was Pokey's head. He told it to me over the mirrors, back when I was watching over your soul gem.
[The robot sits at last, and he brings a hand up to cover his face.]
Think how long it's been since then.
He posted a recent picture.
[Mettaton shudders in disgust.]
I promised to kill him then...I'm going to uphold that promise. Why should he get away with it? Why is he allowed to display a rotting trophy of someone in this goddamned city who has been here for longer than he has?
What the hell makes him so much better than me?
[The pain in Mettaton's tone is raw and impossible to hide. Why was it that he, Pokey, and Asriel were little more than refuse in the face of murderers, painbringers, and worse?!]
[Asriel's voice is quiet, shaking slightly as what Mettaton says sinks in. He doesn't want to, but he visualizes it. Someone playing with Pokey's dismembered head, probably feeling superior that he has a disgusting trophy of one of the "unforgivable murderers".
Asriel's breath quickens, trying to fight down panic and disgust. It doesn't work. All he can think about is Pokey breaking down in front of him crying, and someone was playing with his head like this was all some kind of game, like they were all toys to be broken and thrown away because the town had declared them as the bad guys and-]
H... ha... haha... hahahaaa...
[Asriel can't help himself. He lets out a choked laugh. Broken and high pitched.]
You know what? I think someone like that really does deserve to die!
[What an awful thing for Asriel to say, isn't it? Well, he was awful all along, so obviously that was fine!]
[His voice is higher, almost cheerful than what could even be considered natural. The memory of a village passes through his mind, him holding the body of his human sibling...
And villagers, seeing a monster and attacking him on sight. All because he must've killed that child, he's a monster! Monsters killing humans deserve to die, whether they actually did it or not!
It's so funny, it makes him want to laugh! It's so funny!]
Because when a monster hurts a human, they deserve to be beaten to death! Isn't that how it is? Because if we're not nice and doing whatever humans tell us to do, that means we deserve to die right? Right?! Hahaha, so many years have passed and I can't believe nothing's changed! Isn't that funny? Haha, hahahahaa!
Even in our home, we were never meant to be left alone. Everyone died. Everyone up to and including Hotland died, do you know how insane that is?
[Mettaton can't...he can't laugh like Asriel. Because it really does hurt, and all of this feeds back into how useless his wish was, how much he missed everyone and how very little they probably missed him.
It's not dignified for a grown monster to cry...and yet here he is, his face buried in his gloved hands, sobbing at the injustice of it. The most gallng part was that he couldn't even physically cry. He could only make the noises and feel the utter despair of it all.]
[Everyone up and including to Hotland died. Including his mother, cut down ruthlessly by a child she poured so much love into. Every monster slaughtered, and there was no one to mourn for them but the two monsters here.
Because it didn't matter that every monster in the Underground died because of a human.
It didn't matter that humans imprisoned all of monsterkind Underground,
... It didn't matter when humans saw a grieving child, who wanted to see the sun for the first time.
The death of a human was enough to cut down a monster though. To beat them to death, shoot them with arrows while they plead for them to stop, that he wasn't a murderer...
Mettaton can't cry, but Asriel can. And kneeling down in front of Mettaton, he does. It hurts, and it's a kind of hurt that no one but the two of them will ever understand.]
[Mettaton can't even find it in his heart to comfort the kid. This time...he can't. He's got himself to worry about.
Or...
Not worry about. Because what he'd said on the board was true.
He didn't want to keep trying. He wanted to stop. He wanted this to end. He wanted to die. Even if it hurt, and even if it accomplished nothing, he just wanted it all to end.
His soul gem darkens a shade just from that very thought. Ah, but he's used to that anyway. It's fine. Let it come.]
[Asriel tried! He's done nothing but try ever since he made that contract with Kyubey. Doing whatever anyone asked of him, always trying to make the "good" and "right" decisions, keeping up the act of an innocent child because that's what everyone wanted...
But now? He was just a murderer. He was unforgivable. He was still a "bad person". And if anyone in this town really knew what all he's done, beyond what happened with those girls...
Well, he'd die right? Maybe not for all the monster slaughter, who cares about that, but he's killed a human a bunch of times. They'd probably beat him to death right on the spot, haha!
They'd probably do the same to Mettaton too, knowing that he tried to attack that same human - nevermind that human was slaughtering all of them or completely betrayed Asriel by saving him, only to RESET and murder everyone in their path.]
I wasted so much time believing in humans...a waste of a life. A waste of affection. I'm just...a wasted caricature. Better off a ghost after all, huh? Hah...but I was selfish and threw away everything for that dream. It's only fair to have it appropriately dashed for setting stock in a heartless species...
I don't want to be a magi anymore. I don't want to help people who are probably lying.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
They're honestly not important. I care more about you and Pokey than I do all of them combined.
But it's... hard, I know it can be hard, to keep going in a world that doesn't care if you exist or not.
[He's been forgotten. He's been replaced. He's watched his own mother fawn over human children like he and Chara never existed.]
It's hard to find reasons to keep going sometimes.
no subject
And look what I do to rebuke them.
[Mettaton smiles, but it looks so exhausted as he walks from the door to the gaudy couch in his home. Rather than sit though, he just runs a gloved hand over one of the couch's arms. He's faced away from Asriel when he speaks again.]
Pokey messaged me before you, telling me not to make a foolish decision in attacking Dito. That...that was also me, just so you know. Despite what Pokey says, I will probably still make the decision based in violence.
And you? I told you pretty words about how you ought to keep trying. When I...
I don't wish to try anymore.
no subject
... I think that makes two of us, then.
[Asriel wants to be encouraging, he wants to tell Mettaton not to give up... but it doesn't mean anything, when Asriel told him that he wants to shatter his own gem and just. Stop fighting.
Mettaton needs someone to help push him forward, but Asriel's not the right person for the job, as much as he'd like to be. He's too broken. He never came back right. Every day he thinks he's a little closer to losing himself... a little closer to becoming Flowey again.]
... I think trying to hurt Dito is going to end up hurting you more instead of him.
[Monsters aren't meant for this kind of thing. He's seen it in the way Mettaton broke down over the mirrors, what he's said over the bulletin boards.]
Can I ask why you wanna fight him so much? Is it just the pictures he posted of someone's head?
no subject
He'd find out somewhere else...wouldn't he? And even if no one else would tell him, then that doesn't color Mettaton's impression. He's just a bad person for saying it then.]
It was Pokey's head. He told it to me over the mirrors, back when I was watching over your soul gem.
[The robot sits at last, and he brings a hand up to cover his face.]
Think how long it's been since then.
He posted a recent picture.
[Mettaton shudders in disgust.]
I promised to kill him then...I'm going to uphold that promise. Why should he get away with it? Why is he allowed to display a rotting trophy of someone in this goddamned city who has been here for longer than he has?
What the hell makes him so much better than me?
[The pain in Mettaton's tone is raw and impossible to hide. Why was it that he, Pokey, and Asriel were little more than refuse in the face of murderers, painbringers, and worse?!]
no subject
[Asriel's voice is quiet, shaking slightly as what Mettaton says sinks in. He doesn't want to, but he visualizes it. Someone playing with Pokey's dismembered head, probably feeling superior that he has a disgusting trophy of one of the "unforgivable murderers".
Asriel's breath quickens, trying to fight down panic and disgust. It doesn't work. All he can think about is Pokey breaking down in front of him crying, and someone was playing with his head like this was all some kind of game, like they were all toys to be broken and thrown away because the town had declared them as the bad guys and-]
H... ha... haha... hahahaaa...
[Asriel can't help himself. He lets out a choked laugh. Broken and high pitched.]
You know what? I think someone like that really does deserve to die!
[What an awful thing for Asriel to say, isn't it? Well, he was awful all along, so obviously that was fine!]
no subject
No, he's shaking his head because...he agrees and he finds it disgusting.]
And yet we are the ones that die. Because of two girls. Because of my foolish decision, yes, but willful desecration...that's fine. It's okay.
[Mettaton laughs a little too, but it comes out choked and painful.]
"Quit starting trouble, Mettaton, you're going to make everything worse." That's all they care about...everyone.
no subject
[His voice is higher, almost cheerful than what could even be considered natural. The memory of a village passes through his mind, him holding the body of his human sibling...
And villagers, seeing a monster and attacking him on sight. All because he must've killed that child, he's a monster! Monsters killing humans deserve to die, whether they actually did it or not!
It's so funny, it makes him want to laugh! It's so funny!]
Because when a monster hurts a human, they deserve to be beaten to death! Isn't that how it is? Because if we're not nice and doing whatever humans tell us to do, that means we deserve to die right? Right?! Hahaha, so many years have passed and I can't believe nothing's changed! Isn't that funny? Haha, hahahahaa!
no subject
Even in our home, we were never meant to be left alone. Everyone died. Everyone up to and including Hotland died, do you know how insane that is?
[Mettaton can't...he can't laugh like Asriel. Because it really does hurt, and all of this feeds back into how useless his wish was, how much he missed everyone and how very little they probably missed him.
It's not dignified for a grown monster to cry...and yet here he is, his face buried in his gloved hands, sobbing at the injustice of it. The most gallng part was that he couldn't even physically cry. He could only make the noises and feel the utter despair of it all.]
no subject
Because it didn't matter that every monster in the Underground died because of a human.
It didn't matter that humans imprisoned all of monsterkind Underground,
... It didn't matter when humans saw a grieving child, who wanted to see the sun for the first time.
The death of a human was enough to cut down a monster though. To beat them to death, shoot them with arrows while they plead for them to stop, that he wasn't a murderer...
Mettaton can't cry, but Asriel can. And kneeling down in front of Mettaton, he does. It hurts, and it's a kind of hurt that no one but the two of them will ever understand.]
no subject
Or...
Not worry about. Because what he'd said on the board was true.
He didn't want to keep trying. He wanted to stop. He wanted this to end. He wanted to die. Even if it hurt, and even if it accomplished nothing, he just wanted it all to end.
His soul gem darkens a shade just from that very thought. Ah, but he's used to that anyway. It's fine. Let it come.]
I never wanted this.
1/2
no subject
We didn't deserve this...
[Asriel tried! He's done nothing but try ever since he made that contract with Kyubey. Doing whatever anyone asked of him, always trying to make the "good" and "right" decisions, keeping up the act of an innocent child because that's what everyone wanted...
But now? He was just a murderer. He was unforgivable. He was still a "bad person". And if anyone in this town really knew what all he's done, beyond what happened with those girls...
Well, he'd die right? Maybe not for all the monster slaughter, who cares about that, but he's killed a human a bunch of times. They'd probably beat him to death right on the spot, haha!
They'd probably do the same to Mettaton too, knowing that he tried to attack that same human - nevermind that human was slaughtering all of them or completely betrayed Asriel by saving him, only to RESET and murder everyone in their path.]
Chara was right.
They were right about humanity this whole time.
no subject
I wasted so much time believing in humans...a waste of a life. A waste of affection. I'm just...a wasted caricature. Better off a ghost after all, huh? Hah...but I was selfish and threw away everything for that dream. It's only fair to have it appropriately dashed for setting stock in a heartless species...
I don't want to be a magi anymore. I don't want to help people who are probably lying.
[He doesn't want to help himself.]
no subject
Always the crybaby, wasn't he?]
You couldn't have known. It's... different, on the surface. I thought maybe things had changed but, haha...
[Frisk certainly proved him wrong there.]
I don't want to fight anymore either.